What can you do?

  • From a very young age we are strictly trained to control our urges to go to the toilet which is why being incontinent can make the person you are caring for feel they are out of control and helpless . This can affect their sense of dignity and self-esteem and many people find it very hard to accept that they might need help from someone else in such an intimate area of their life - whether from someone very close to them or a healthcare professional.
    Caring for someone in this way can be both an intensely difficult and, at the same time, rewarding experience. You may learn things about yourself you may never have realised, such as your ability to be patient and your capacity for love and compassion.

  • Three Golden Rules

    There’s nothing to be ashamed of

    Carers can significantly reduce the emotional fears that come with incontinence by helping their loved ones feel less ashamed and being sensitive to their concerns. These concerns often arise because they think they are alone in their experiences; you can help them by providing reassurance that they are not alone and many people of all ages, male and female alike suffer from similar problems.

    Build up their confidence

    Incontinence can significantly impact a person’s quality of life, preventing them from exercising, playing with their children or grandchildren and even disrupting their daily routine. Every day events suddenly become a lot more challenging and many sufferers become afraid to leave their own homes. You can help by accompanying the person you are caring for on some initial short outings which will help build their confidence in managing their incontinence away from the home. After a few local trips to nearby destinations, they will feel more comfortable about travelling further and for longer periods.

    Be patient

    Caring for incontinent people requires huge amounts of understanding and patience and, given time, you can help them feel better about themselves and help them get back to doing the things they enjoy. The physical and emotional impact of incontinence problems, which have often been present but not disclosed for a long time, mean it can be a slow journey, so don’t try to rushthings, just take one small step at a time.

    See the next section for Practical Advice which we hope will help when caring for your loved ones.

  • Practical Advices for Carers

      There are some important general rules to follow when caring for a loved one
    1. Respect the individual wishes of the person you are caring for. Everybody deals with problems in different ways.
    2. Let them know how common their problems are. This will help stop them feeling alone and isolated.
    3. Be sensitive to their feelings. For people who have always lived independently, having to accept help from others for basic help and care can be very difficult.
    4. Help maintain the person's dignity as far as you can. Always refer to incontinence products as pads and underwear rather than nappies or diapers.
    5. As far as you can, let the one you are caring for be in control, allowing them to make as many decisions as possible on their own.
    6. Avoid discussing their condition and details of their care with others.
    7. Try to find out as much as you can about their condition and associated problems as this will help you to achieve a better understanding of their needs. It might be useful to have a discussion with your loved one’s Healthcare professional to find out more.
    8. Always be prepared when the person you are caring for is away from home. When they are out and about, try to be aware at all times where the nearest toilet is.
    9. Don’t worry about using disabled toilets - these will have more space for them to change in and often have disposal facilities.
    10. It would be helpful if they took a bag with them when they go out containing continence products, hand wipes and spare underwear just in case of an accident.

    There are many specialist products that can help you to look after your loved one such as commodes, raised toilet seats and bathroom hand rails. To help manage their everyday continence issues, a wide range of incontinence pads are available from the Product Section of this website

    Dealing with an accident

    Approaching the problem with understanding, matter-of-factness and, if appropriate, a little humour can improve the situation for everyone concerned.

      If someone has an accident, the three most important things that a carer can do are to:
    • try to overcome any embarrassment the person may feel
    • avoid being angry or appearing upset
    • remember that the person is not to blame

    However, this may not always be as easy as it sounds. If a carer finds their feelings regarding incontinence are difficult to handle, it's a good idea to talk things through with somebody else, for example a community nurse, a continence advisor or even another carer. It is vital not to let dealing with incontinence have a negative effect on the relationship you already have with the person being cared for.

    Hiding the evidence

    If someone feels very ashamed of their incontinence, they may try to hide the evidence in an effort to keep their problem a secret or to avoid any embarrassment. They may remove their wet or soiled clothing and try to hide it or even throw it away. They may also try to remove and hide evidence of faecal incontinence.
    If you find the evidence remember not to appear angry or upset and deal with the situation in a matter-of-fact way without apportioning blame.

    Going in the Wrong Place

    This can happen with elderly people if they become confused about their surroundings or indeed anybody who is 'badly caught' short. They may use an inappropriate place, such as a cupboard or a wastepaper basket and, when you discover this, it is important to react in a very understanding way.

    When someone has problems with incontinence, one of the first things to check is whether they know (at all times) where the nearest toilet is and that are able to get to it without any problems.

    Make it easy

    The easier you can make the process of visiting the toilet the easier it will be to avoid accidents. Taking these simple precautions can really help.

    • Make sure that there is nothing, such as awkwardly placed furniture or doors that are hard to open, obstructing the way to the toilet.
    • Make sure the toilet is easy to use. Toileting aids such as handrails and raised seats are often helpful. If it becomes too difficult for the person to get to the toilet, an aid such as a commode may be useful. You should contact a healthcare professional for further advice on toileting aids.
    • Ensure clothing can be quickly removed and unfastened. Some people find Velcro fastenings easier to use than zips or buttons.
    • Always keep a bin with a lid in both the bathroom and the bedroom so they can dispose of incontinence products in a safe and discrete manner.

    Advance Planning

      If the person you are caring for has regular accidents, carers will find it helps to do the following:
    • Remind the person to go to the toilet, or take them there, at regular intervals. Taking the person to the toilet at a set time can help prevent faecal incontinence, if their habits are regular
    • Be aware of the signs that the person wants to go to the toilet. These may include fidgeting, getting up and down regularly or pulling at their clothes. Get to know the signs for the one you care for
    • If the person is incontinent at night, encourage them to avoid drinking for two or three hours before going to bed. However, always make sure that they drink plenty of fluids during the day

    Check what are they drinking?

    It is important that the person you are caring for has enough to drink, even though they may be tempted to cut down on fluids to avoid accidents. If they don’t drink enough the bladder will become sensitive to small amounts of urine which means they will actually go to the toilet more frequently and they may also experience other health problems. They should drink as normal and try to avoid certain types of drinks such as tea, coffee, coca cola – all of which contain caffeine and may irritate the bladder. You should consult a healthcare professional for more advice on fluid intake.

    Look after their skin

    Skin can be easily damaged by urine if it’s not looked after correctly. Whilst protective products which draw moisture away from the skin can help, you should also follow some basic skincare principles


    • Avoid using harsh soaps as these can dry out the skin
    • Use a pH balanced soap
    • Don’t rub your skin, pat it dry instead

  • Caring for the Elderly

    This section provides advice for Carers who look after elderly people coping with incontinence, particularly those suffering from Dementia. The set of symptoms which are known as Dementia include loss of memory, mood changes, problems with communication and commonly, incontinence.

    Coping with incontinence

    Incontinence can be humiliating for a person with dementia and upsetting for those around them. However, although it can be a distressing problem, it is common among the elderly and the good news is that it can be managed and often cured.

    Why might someone with dementia become incontinent?

      Incontinence is not an inevitable symptom of dementia but it is very common and there are a variety of reasons why an elderly person could become incontinent. These include various medical conditions, a number of which are treatable.
    • Urinary tract infections - these may respond to treatment with medication.
    • Prostate gland trouble - this affects men and may be resolved with an operation.
    • Side-effects of medication - please discuss with your loved one’s doctor
    • Severe constipation - constipation can put pressure on the bladder, and can also lead to faecal incontinence. Eating foods that are high in fibre, drinking plenty of fluids and keeping physically active can help prevent this.

      However, in the case of an elderly person suffering with Dementia, additional causes of incontinence may include:
    • Simply forgetting to go to the toilet
    • Not recognising the need to go to the toilet
    • Being unable to remember where the toilet is

    How may a person with dementia react to being incontinent?


      Every individual will react differently to the experience of incontinence. Some people find it very upsetting, while others find it easier to accept. Common occurrences among elderly people with dementia include:
    • Hiding the evidence read more ...
    • Going to the toilet the wrong place read more ...

    Practical Advice for Carers

    Click here for some Practical Advice which we hope will help when caring for your elderly loved ones

  • When Carers need some help

    It is never too late to get some professional help for bladder or bowel problems. Many people choose to suffer in silence, allowing their incontinence to take control and dominate their social, family and working lives, so you must again remember the most important point - that everyone with incontinence can be helped and many can be completely cured.
    When seeking help for the person you are caring for, your first point of contact will normally be a doctor, but it can often be possible to seek help from a local continence advisor without referral. You should check with your local Healthcare organisation to see if this is possible. You may also be able to talk about your problems with a continence care charity or local support organisation.

    Talking to a doctor

    As a carer your role in a meeting with a healthcare professional is to support the one you care for, to give them courage, to help remember what was said and done, and to act as a chaperone during any physical examination that the doctor has to make. If you have any specific questions or concerns to raise with the doctor or continence advisor, discuss them with the person you are caring for in advance and try to write them down before the appointment and take them with you – this will help make sure nothing is forgotten and will also help you bring up any tricky subjects. During the initial meeting, the person you are caring for will probably be asked to explain their bladder or bowel functions in some detail; this will help to identify their problems. It would be very useful to keep a ‘bladder diary’ for a week or so before the appointment to accurately record things such as how many times they go to the toilet, when they have any problems or accidents and what they eat or drink.
    When they visit the doctor, they should be prepared talk honestly about their symptoms; try to explain if they are feeling any pain, and explain the sensations they feel when they go to the toilet. Do they have problems with urgency? Do they need to go to the toilet often? Do they always make it to the toilet in time?
    It might also be helpful to tell the doctor about how their problems affect quality of life. Does their problem affect their relationships and social life? Have the problems affected their work or career? Have their problems affected their mental health and self- esteem? Do they feel depressed because of their problems?

    What to expect?

    The doctor or Healthcare professional will want to know the history of the problems and will also want a detailed explanation of the symptoms. They may then want to perform a physical examination to help evaluate the problems.
    If the problems have been present for a long time, and especially if they have been having treatments and investigations for various other medical problems, then it is worth making a list of the main events in their medical history to discuss with the doctor. Write down when and how they first suffered each symptom, what was diagnosed and what was done e.g. investigations carried out, medication prescribedWhat next?
    Once a diagnosis has been made and you know what is causing the bladder or bowel problem, you will be able to discuss possible treatments with the doctor or healthcare professional. They will explain what is causing the problem and how the different products or treatments can help. They will also talk to you about any side effects that can be caused by the different treatments. Together, you can decide which treatment is the most suitable.
    In the first instance they are most likely to be offered what are known as conservative treatments, which include ways in which they can help themselves such as lifestyle changes e.g. diet and exercise. These will often be suggested in conjunction with products that will help manage the symptoms, such as Incontinence Pads. Medication may also be offered as a further option, possibly alongside some conservative treatments, depending on the symptoms and medical history. Surgery is a further option and will not normally be considered until other treatments have been tried for a length of time without success.

  • Products and Treatments

    There are many products, devices and treatments available to help manage bladder and bowel problems.
    For those people who cannot be completely cured or those who may just need some extra help whilst waiting for treatment, there are a range of special products and devices to help manage symptoms. The most common way of managing incontinence is through the use of Incontinence Pads and you’ll find a wide selection of these on this site on the Product Section

    You will find more information about products and treatments in the Managing Incontinence - Treatment Options section of this site. You can use this section to investigate the options and look at what sort of products, devices and treatments may help manage the problem effectively. The options can also be discussed with a health professional or continence advisor who may be able to suggest other alternatives for consideration.

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